My mantra/motto for starting off 2015 was “Let it Emerge”. I am such a planner. With the balancing of my work, family, kids schedules, etc. I felt like I was constantly planning. I decided that 2015 would be my year to practice “allowing” and letting things unravel and show up without my managing it all. Little did I know how necessary this mantra would be as I face the unknowns and uncertainties of my journey with Breast Cancer.
The very weekend before I was diagnosed I attended a Nia training called “Moving to Heal”. Invited that very week by Debbie Rosas, co-creator of Nia, I felt uncertain as this was not planned in my already busy schedule. Listening to my mantra, I felt called to be a part of this training. After all, about 7 years ago I was Director of Nia Specializations and it was exciting to be a part of the very first “Moving to Heal” trainings which I helped to co-create. When I introduced myself that Friday evening to the 50+ amazingly talented and skilled participants in Studio Nia, I shared “Being here is very much following my New Year’s mantra and so I am letting it emerge”…in other words, I would see just where this training might take me and how I might apply it to my healing work. The very next day following this incredibly powerful training I received the call to come in for a second mammogram. That Wednesday is I was biopsied and by Thursday I received my breast cancer diagnosis.
After my initial marathon appointment with my Oncologist that Friday, I was sent home completely stunned and overwhelmed with stacks of paperwork that I didn’t even open until the following Friday. Upon perusing the amazing resources given by my Oncology center, there in print was “Nia – Moving to Heal”. In other words, I was being referred to the class that the very weekend before I was training to be a Practitioner in. I know this chain of events is meaningful in a variety of ways…so now I will continue to “let it emerge” to see just what it all means…or more precisely, what meaning I create from it all. So much of the training delved into the vastness of healing and “being in the shoes” of the people we are working with…expanding our compassion to understand the plight of another…in whatever way we can. I was moved at a deep level to tears many times that weekend…for example when I danced in a chair throughout an entire Moving to Heal class. I thought about and felt my sister Rana who has Multiple Sclerosis and the hurt, pain, and anger of her limited mobility. And I was gravely aware of her fierce courage that she musters each and every day. She is an inspiration to me and I walk this path now with courage, compassion, and the knowledge that this journey has already opened my eyes and my heart in some amazing ways.