Becoming More of who I am Meant to Be

I awoke today feeling like I was run over by a truck.  After weeks of emotional stress, sleeping poorly, balancing work and family, end of the school year, and never ending doctor’s appointments, it all seems to have caught up with me…and that cold that Z had made it’s way to me! Since I really couldn’t even get out of bed but had already slept about 10 1/2 hours, I decided to listen to 2 podcasts that had been recommended to me.  The first one was Tara Brach “awakening through change and loss” and she talked a lot about the focus in our culture of staying busy.  She cited that in Tibetan culture they think of busyness as laziness because it keeps us distracted from ourselves.  And boy is that ever true!  We so value the overachiever in this country or the mom who can “do it all”.  But what about just being.

I know I need to constantly remind myself of this.  My Nia practice is one place when I feel most out of my head and in my body…and present.  I love the way dancing brings me fully into the now and in my body – so much so that I am unable to even think about anything else.  But sitting in meditation…well, that is a different story.  I have tried it on and off over the years.  the truth is that it does take work to sit – back to the Tibetan wisdom.

My friend Jen recently turned me on to a really great app called “Head Space”.  And it is 10 minutes of guided meditation or mindfulness a day.  I’ve been doing it for the past 5 days and I love the way it increases my overall awareness…just that simple pause…or what I call “a check in” so we can scan and notice what we are thinking, needing, feeling…especially as things around me are quite busy and chaotic at the moment.  I am a big advocate of reducing self judgment.  It does not serve us and it promotes an atmosphere of stuckness.  So I really don’t judge myself for my difficulty with just sitting, but rather I am pleased that I have been taking 10 minutes these past 5 days and that I will be much less mobile in the coming months, so perhaps this practice has teachings to offer me at this particular juncture.

The other podcast I listened to was Eve Ensler – The Body After Cancer, and she talked about the language of cancer or illness (which we talk about in Nia too) and that when people would say “you’ll fight this.” or “Beat this cancer”, she would respond by saying “what I’m going to do hopefully is become more of who I am meant to be…cancer gave me a huge dramatic turbulent opportunity to do that”.  I love that concept of becoming more of who I am meant to be…receiving this as an opportunity.  I think of this as a lifelong journey – our journey of becoming…and there are certainly experiences/situations that just shed so much light and growth.  In the Lakota Sioux tradition, they believe that grieving people are closer to God and this is a time others actually can ask those who are grieving to pray for them.  It is through this being broken open that can create new growth and connection.

Ok, so I started this yesterday and am starting to feel a bit better today – which is great because who wants a summer cold! Much love to all…


6 thoughts on “Becoming More of who I am Meant to Be

  1. I agree Cara. She is pretty phenomenal! Have you read her book “In the Body of the World”? thinking about getting it – but may be a bit intense as a post surgery read! xoxox

  2. Love, I am kind of freaked out by your post. I am on Day Five of Headspace too. Freaky. We never discussed it. WEIRD.
    On a more profound note, I love that idea of experiences that bring us closer to who we are meant to be and you blew my head with the concept that busyness being seen as laziness….I AM REALLY LAZY.
    Sending you love. Always. Thanks for this post.

  3. Dearest Erica,
    Just catching your recent news and took a big hike and took in as much beauty as I could see through my teary eyes. You represent what I saw today in the gorge~ power, grace, exquisite beauty, ancient wisdom, and grand presence. This kind of experience can humble even the grandest, but only to move you in deeper ways than presented before. I am so thankful you have a blog and are opening your personal experience to all of us who love you. I’ll support you from near and far~ love love love you christy

    • awww… thank you Christy – what kind words. So very touching and love that you got into the gorge and took in beauty! Such a good thing to do. Love you lady!!! xoxox

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