Game Time

7 am and I awoke at 6…not bad.  But man is this waiting strange.  Once again, it reminds me of pre-birth time (especially with Zander) as I was 10 days overdue and was just waiting and waiting.  I remember taking endless walks, writing in my journal, getting my favorite coffee drink at Coffee People (because I figured he was already over-formed)! 🙂

It’s almost a spiritual place – this waiting, this anticipation.  It is like everything slows ways down and time stretches out for miles in front of you.  I feel a draw inward.  I felt this often on the cruise (which was not always easy with my family of 12 and a cruise ship of 3000)!  But also, the distraction and being together was so very needed too.  There is this Yin or inward energy that surfaces and anyone who knows me knows that I am quite Yang!  So, this space is different for me. Of course the distractions help – like going to Costco yesterday (not a very Yin activity).  Ha! Just stocking my house for my family though somehow made me feel more prepared.

Sitting on my porch in the quiet early morning and feeling the sun shift and change and the heat return, listening to the variety of chirps, and watching the bikers go by…while my family continues to sleep…this is peaceful.  Shortly, I will have my morning smoothie, and then receive an acupuncture treatment.  I will take a final solo trail run up at Forest Park and undoubtedly, this day will move slowly but soon enough it will be surgery time.

So now I wait.  At least with this I know that tomorrow at 9:30 am I check in at the hospital and the surgery will begin at 1:30. With my births of course, it was truly a mystery as to when and how it would all go down.  One great feeling I have at the moment is conviction.  I had several conversations with my family on the cruise about other treatment options people might choose, etc. and it brought up for me the fact that I feel so certain and confident with my choice and treatment team.

For me, having this surgery feels like I will really be able to put this behind me instead of constantly monitoring, wondering, checking…and living in fear and uncertainty.  I know that is all somewhat an illusion anyway but it feels like in terms of focus, I will get to bring my attention back to my family, my work, and the things I love.

Well, first things first, a good cup of coffee instead of that brown water they served on the cruise! 🙂  Sending so much love to all – I feel so incredibly loved.  AJ will be updating this blog during and post surgery.  But you never know I may still post again today seeing that it will be along one! 🙂

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14 thoughts on “Game Time

  1. We love that you are blogging this, so we can “be there” from so far away. We are thinking of you all day!! Love the Parkers

  2. Adding one more drop in the big lake of love you have around you. I will be sending lots of positive thoughts your way tomorrow. I hope all goes smoothly.

  3. How proud am of you and your ability to express your innermost feelings in writing. What a giift and a gift for those who are priviledged to read them. You are surrounded by love from friends and family and our prayers are with you.

    • Mom, you said it so well!! The blogs are tremendous and there’s So much love and prayers e with you XOXO

  4. Er- you are such a beautiful warrior. You’ve got this! All our love and strength for your healing. xxx

    Wend and cliff

  5. Erika, We will be holding you in our thoughts and prayers tomorrow. You are surrounded by healing love. 💕 Deb and Max

  6. I LOVE YOU SO MUCH. You are so strong and are going to lick this (‘gavalta gavalta, gavalta I’m gonna give you a lickin’) . There is so much LOVE coming to you from all over the world, after giving so much, please TAKE it ALL in. Be restful in knowing you are going to get through this. Many thoughts and deep soulfilled feeling going to you. I love you Erika!

  7. Dear Erika, all these comments summarize it perfectly…consciousness, warrior, tremendous love and even the basics…coffee. I honor your choices deeply and like all of us, am with you all the way. This morning when I explore my body in the dance that you have taught me to love, I will be lifting you up in prayer.

  8. Erie. I am amazed at all the love that surrounds you. Why should I be amazed… I don’t know. What I do know is that you are a beautiful person inside and out. You shine and the world sees it. I am so very proud to be your mother and friend. I cherish our relationship. Thanks for being you. All my love, mom

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