Yes, that’s right…I know you all were loving AJ’s blogs (because besides being good at every sport he touches, yes, of course, he is also a great writer)! And by the way, he could also have a career in nursing. He has been tending to my every need and seems to have an abundance of patience and tenderness. My mom is also here and she is Queen of the laundry, dishes, and she greets me each day with a beautiful fruit salad and green smoothie. Plus she has been my partner in movie watching (most of which I fall fast asleep during)!
Day 6 post surgery and I am feeling pretty up and down, but my general direction is certainly up. My worst day was Thursday in terms of pain and discomfort. There were many tears. But then, as you all know, it also became my best day – a day I will always remember as the day I became cancer free – July 9th! Lots of tears of joy and relief after I heard the good news from the nurse.
Quite a juxtaposition….similar to the polarities of pleasure or feeling good and pain or feeling bad. I’ve been super curious about the whole concept of pain. Cause I’m in a whole lot of it! And there are so many thoughts about pain. It seems it’s like a badge of honor when people say “I didn’t even use pain meds” or “you are strong so you won’t even need the pain meds”. Well, guess what, I am super strong and I definitely need the pain meds and am thrilled that I have this tool to get me through these days. I preach and practice listening to my body’s wisdom so why would I stop doing that now? My body is giving me messages by saying “I am in pain” and I am listening to it and responding by providing it relief.
I just had a conversation with my Nurse Navigator (don’t you love that title)! She is basically like a Social Worker so of course I love her. She said that the health care system is used to seeing patients in poor health who are in some ways really used to living in pain. It struck me that people in good health who are used to feeling good probably have a harder time with pain as it is quite foreign to them. People in poor health who are constantly in pain are accustomed to pain as it is already familiar to them. This is true about a lot of things in health. I am used to eating healthy so if I suddenly were to eat McDonalds, I would probably get sick. Someone who is used to eating that way every day probably wouldn’t even have a response to that food. Like I often say to clients, our bodies are like little computers and so they organize around what is familiar to them. My goal is to continue to have pain be something that is foreign and pleasure and comfort be something that is familiar. I will do this by listening to my pain but seeking pleasure and comfort – just like my Nia practice has taught me to do over the years.
Tomorrow I have my follow up apt. with Dr. Johnson and I am really hoping to get my drains out as they are super uncomfortable at this point. My goal for today is to walk 3-4 blocks. Crazy that I did a 6 mile trail run last Monday and this Monday I am hoping to walk 4 blocks! But I also see this as an opportunity to really build myself up from ground zero. And now with the cancer truly behind me, I begin my journey of rebuilding strength, mobility, pleasure, comfort, and ease in my body. And now I am off to start a new series with my mom – or perhaps fall asleep! 🙂