Today is my first day back in my office seeing clients. I was not prepared for it being so emotional. But man if this journey is anything, it is a lot of transitions. Transition to believing that I really did have Breast cancer, transition to ending my work, transition to surgery, recovery, transition to believing that I really don’t have cancer, transition to feeling better and then feeling worse after a fill, and then better again, starting my work again, and then in Nov. having my second surgery – my reconstruction.
That’s right – I’ve now booked that date – Nov. 10th is the reconstruction. Yes I really wanted it to be on the 7th for synchronicity sake, but Nov. 10th is a good date (AJ’s and Zander’s soccer number) and will hopefully be in time to step into 2016 with this all really behind me. Plus, be ready for ski season! 🙂
It felt nice this morning to actually get dressed in work clothes and pack my lunch as well as the kids and have yet another part of “me” returned. But it is also a lot to step back into. As my wise colleague said to me this morn, “isn’t it funny that we are therapists and then we get surprised by our own emotional responses”! Ha – yes it is!
I guess as crazy as it sounds maybe there is a “loss” here. A loss of this time that was unlike any other in my life…while it was filled with so much anxiety, anger, and frustration, it was also filled with such tenderness, love, and slowness. I am working on how to integrate some of what I have learned into my life. The slowing down is certainly a theme for me – so starting with 3 clients today was perfect! Not jumping right back into my Nia teaching will hopefully allow more clarity to emerge regarding my direction and path from here. Also, spending more time alone has been a gift. I have learned to cherish solo hikes in the forest, quiet time on my hammock, and soothing epson salts baths. I hope to keep these with me as I transition to being “back to it”!